Posts Tagged ‘take the power back’


I saw the teenagers out tonight, and I noticed one thing.  Besides the fact that none of them wore respectable clothing and most decided skinny jeans were a great idea, all teenagers now are kind of weird and unruly.  I don’t think I was ever this bad as a teenager, myself.  I don’t want to get you all hyped up first thing on a Sunday morning, but these teens were… maybe, you should sit down before you read this…these teens were, well, they were being loud in the mall.  I had to usher my pregnant wife away from the craziness of these teens and their reckless bantering back and forth.   I made eye contact with everyone of them, and my eyes said in a stern and unwavering manner, “STOP BEING LOUD IN THE MALL!”  It would have worked except these teens were looking through their bangs at me.  They were Bieber-Blinded and therefore did not get the full on effect of my enraged stare. 

There was this specific band of teenagers that kept converging on my wife and my journey through the mall.  Once, the teens had hijacked a shopping cart from some poor store owner and decided it would be a good idea to put the fattest member of their group in the cart and push him or her around (could have been a girl, but the boys dress like girls, and I don’t want to offend this teen and make him or her want to shoot up a school or something).  They all laughed and carried on like they were the first to think of this—like, as if teenagers of yesteryear were so inept that we were never put together enough to grab a shopping cart and push a fat kid around. 

I love being hypocritical in my views of teenagers.  I think as 30 plus year olds, we earned our hypocrisy.  Furthermore, I think that teenagers today are so awkward and goofy that their trouble is just annoying.  I know that I am different.  I know that I am a man now, because I look at teens in groups of three or more, and I cast judgment upon them, and they are all GUILTY.  My looks are no longer based in a nostalgic longing to feel young and unbound by the chains and shackles of life that we attach ourselves to in our adult years.  Maybe, I look at these teenagers being loud in the mall and think, “this is the best idea you could come up with, huh?” 

I also worry about how my daughter is going to want to dress.  I have to believe that every father and mother of the girls I saw in the mall yesterday started out with a hard-line stance against phrases written across the asses of their daughters.  In the very least, and maybe more importantly,  these parents were dead set on the idea that the asses of their daughters were going to be covered completely…

The teenagers all walk around the mall like they own the place.  They looked at the pregnant lady to my right as if she was too slow and needed to get out of the way.  And, while I agree that the pregnant lady to my right is very slow, she has a right to waddle down the same path these kids do.  Who is more likely to spend money?  Probably me, and I proved it.  The teenagers all have conversations.  I hate when teenagers have conversations, because their conversations are superficial, I can just tell.  I wanted to walk into the crowd of loud teenagers conversating* superficially and get all of their parents’ names and numbers and call them.  I would say, over the phone, in a very rhythmic and well enunciated tirade, “Do you have any idea what your kids are doing right now?  Well, I will tell you.  Your kids are being loud in the mall.  If that isn’t bad enough, they are doing it dressed like court jesters and whores.”  That would show them.

Teens in groups are all slowly marching to trouble or some lawless behavior.  Townships and cities need to make rules addressing this and they need to act quickly.  Even if your teen is a calm and collected responsible nerd, when he or she is in a group of three or more like-minded fools, trouble is a second away.  Sometimes nerd trouble is worse than pushing a fat kid in a shopping cart.  Just saying.

The teenagers are a powerful force because they have no fear.  Fear is important in a society.  I know they have no fear, because they wear stupid clothes.  Fear starts in the home.  I recommend instilling fear into your children today.  We need to rise against this barbaric movement of teenagers and their loudness.  We need to take the power back.  We need to stop fooling ourselves that our kids are trustworthy and are all on the sacred and pure walk to heaven.  They are not.  They are at the mall right now and they are loud and obnoxious. 

Step it up parents.  Get up, Stand up!  It starts by taking away their skinny jeans and making these kids dress like real people, like we did in the nineties.  Make them wear corduroys, and make them put on a pair of Doc Martins and dress like decent people preparing to be men and women.  If they want a different hair style make them shave the sides of their heads and let the top grow long, that was okay, because it was cool.  Remind them that the music they listen to is nothing when compared to bands like Smashing Pumpkins, Foo Fighters, Sound Garden, Alice in Chains, and bands that actually had lead singers that used their man voices.   Do your best and may God have mercy on your souls…

I just wanted you to know, because I have been holding it in for years.

 

*Conversating should be a word.  Conversing is cool, but conversating is more cool.

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