Judgmental Runners

If you get offended when reading this, then you’re probably one of the people I am describing, which in turn should solicit a behavioral change on your part.

Downtown, last night.  My wife and I, along with a few friends went to dinner where I encountered a new type of individual, the Judgmental Runner.  These specific people are now on the top of my “worst people in the world list” taking the spot from Christina Aguilera, who is running a close second.  FYI, the third worst person in the world is a tie between all the women from The View and Christina Aguilera…

Back to the Real Deal Holyfield, Judgmental Runners.  These people choose to run for fun, which in itself is paradoxical, but I can accept this; however; they choose to run in the worst possible manner.  They run like judgmental freakshows in a place where they don’t need to be.  Downtown Pensacola, Fl can best be described as a growing cross-section of yuppie boat owners dressed in trendy boat shoes and sailor attire, retired military people attempting to look like yuppie boat owners dressed in trendy boat shoes and sailor attire, and lastly, the normal hippies, homeless, and beer drinking awesome people who I would rather associate with.  

Spawning from the depths of some horrible insecurity located in the deepest part of the human soul, a new creature is scampering about the streets and  through the exhaust and smoke-filled alleyways.  These people are emaciated, overly tanned, and they all carry a look of superiority on their faces-a look that says to all those not running, “you pathetic little creature, you disgust me.”  Its the same look I got from that girl when I was in the 8th grade that I had to kiss on a dare in front of all the people at PE…..but this is another story entirely.  These people are horrible and need to find a place to conduct their judgmental running with like-minded and equally judgemental runners away from the rest of the population.  This is another example of a small minority of the people inflicting their values and mores upon the  much larger majority (I uses this sentence often, but have been known to disagree with this exact sentence when others say it, but it fits nicely here.  This is my blog, so I can do whatever I want).

You see the world works like a gym.

People who go to the gym all understand what is going to happen at the gym.  There will be grunters, mirror flexers, and first timers.  Intermingled in the mix, there will be people who are attempting the latest super fitness workout, but in the end, all these people are resigned to the fact that 1) this is where people workout and 2) we are all doing this together and no one else is better, or worse than the other.  Transcending this, is that idea that the people working out at the same time in a gym are all willing to deal with each other’s idiosyncracies; we are like a family, and although we may hate our siblings from time to time, and they may be a turd, in the end, they are our turds and we will fight for them.  We don’t go take our weights into the downtown area and molest you with our fitness.  We don’t interrupt your dinner with clanking weights and grunts of satisfaction after a properly completed squat.  Don’t bring your judgmental running into my social life.  Go run in a place where only other runners are–that is your home, go to your home.

I just wanted you to know this, because I have been holding it in for years.

  1. It’s so uncool that I’m laughing about you hanging out with the homeless… (I’m justifying it by telling myself that you hang with them while volunteering at the soup kitchen, and not that you supply them with vodka and beer.)

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