The impotence of using good english when talking two me

Posted: May 26, 2012 in Pregnant Wife Stories
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I was sitting down and enjoying my morning cup of coffee and watching the news. The show I was watching had an interview session where guests were talking about something that I can’t remember. I can’t remember what the topic was because the person being interviewed planted a bomb in my head, a verbal IED that exploded leaving me confused and helpless. The guest was asked a question about where the product she invented came from to which she replied, “We were on a worldwind vacation.”

Worldwind Vacation. Worldwind vacation. As these words tumbled from this misguided woman’s mouth, I just kept thinking about how many young children are wandering the planet now thinking that that is the actual statement. I wanted to reach into the screen and choke the woman out while yelling, “WHIRLWIND. IT’S WHIRLWIND, YOU CRAZY FREAKSHOW!!!!” I wanted to interrogate this woman and ask her what she thought the statement meant just to see if she even knew what she was conveying. I would have been even angrier if she had the right definition, but couldn’t put it all together and come to the startling conclusion that her root words didn’t add up.

Worldwind, you make me sick. This woman was in her thirties, so for just less than three decades, this woman has been pilfering the minds of everyone she has ever entered into conversation with. If I had the chance for retribution, I would make it such a huge scene that all of the innocent victims of her verbal belligerence would dance in the streets at their new found mastery of the English language.

I have a sneaking suspicion that if I peel back the layers and peak into the day to day conversation this woman partakes in, I would find her using statements like the following:

1) “Supposebly, the movie is going to begin at around noon.” Seriously. People who use this phrase have taken the word “supposed” and then dropped the “d,” added a “b” and threw on an “ly” to complete the new adverb. I also know that some people use this thinking that it is “supposably,” which they write off as being a combination of suppose and able. This combination operates under the idea something is able to be supposed. I am not a genius, that is my wife, but I understand that if you drop the “ly,” and the remaining word doesn’t exist you have made a mistake at some point. I am not trying to make this a worldwind lesson in grammar, but help me help you.

2) “Supposably, irregardless is a word, regardless of the fact that it conveys the same idea that regardless already does…” Seriously, people. Irregardless. The worst part is that I have said this word on accident and I hazed myself on the spot. I felt like I committed word adultery on the real word, regardless. The use of irregardless when combined with supposably should have made you stop reading this, but you are shamelessly continuing because you love me and feel like you have to read in case I run into you in public and we have a worldwind conversation about my blog’s subjects.

3) Somebody once told me they were a “diamond in the roth.” The saddest part about this statement is that I actually doubted my own version of the statement. “Could it be for years I have been saying ‘diamond in the rough’ when it is actually roth? “ I was a nervous wreck. In this worldwind moment in my life, everything I thought I was came into question.  Needless to say, it was a very roth period in my life.

4) “I get really flustrated when people use the wrong words.” This is just moronic. So because the word, flustered exists, and it means to be confused, or overwhelmed, when you get irritated and unhappy with something, it must be flustrated, right? I don’t want to be overly critical or roth on you, but supposably, you all should care about sounding stupid.

5) A coworker told me that a situation I was dealing with was a “Blessing in the skies.” I just stood there looking up……

6) “Fill out the form perbatum.” I feel like people who use this just aren’t listening to what is going on. But, this word could make sense, I guess. Still, it doesn’t exist, and supposably that should be enough for us.

I want to end this on a different note. Pacifically speaking, I want you to no that using the improper word happens and sometimes it is inavoidable. Irregardless of how rushed we are, we need to take the thyme out of this worldwind life to get things write. So, when you sit down to dinner and eat you’re pasketti, during you’re dinner conversation, speak good english, and you’re kids will grow up right. I just wanted ewe to no, because I have been holding it in for years.

  1. haphillips says:

    Notice my wrong usage of peak vs peek……..rule one, when putting people on blast for poor grammar, one should use good grammar.

  2. Shannon Hale says:

    As seen on Facebook in response to a wedding photo: ‘Congerlation’ – Couldn’t you just say ‘hooray’, ‘yay’, or something easier to spell?

    Also, as seen on facebook: We’re having a ‘bomb fire’ – seriously? Don’t invite me if you’re having a ‘bomb fire’… BONfires, however, are fun.

    These people vote and reproduce. :/

  3. Off My Chest says:

    How about Realastate, jewlary, or nucular. Can you hear me grinding my teeth? I would buy a hunting permit and rid the earth of this curse forever, one misspoken word at a time.

  4. Love it! I searched for the comments box just to berate you for ‘peak’ but I notice you have found it already, so are spared my anger. (This time. I’ll be watching you.)

    Fab blog, glad I found it.

    • haphillips says:

      I am telling you the truth. When I saw I did that with peak/peek, I was so pissed. I am glad you spared me your wrath!!! You make me feel like a million bucks and I am EXSPECIALLY happy you are now following the blog!

  5. Baz says:

    Why is it that “your, you’re and/or their, they’re, there” are such blights, meanwhile “ware, wear, where” and “weather, whether” seems to be unaffected and can stand up to impunity?
    Another great one – Extrapolate somehow becomes “extrapew-late”…

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