Showtime Synergy

Posted: May 18, 2012 in Pregnant Wife Stories
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Firstly, I want this song to be in your head, because it is in mine….

The Warrior….

Secondly, I hate to have to do this, but I am going to explain the title of today’s blog.  Seriously, if you are going to have a title, should you have to explain it?  Well, I feel I must expound upon where this title is taking you, because in doing so, I believe you will fall in love with the idea and your life will be truly, truly, outrageous.…..

So, Jem, an old cartoon that ran from 1985 to 1989, also known as Jem and the Holograms, was of huge impact on my life.  Jem was a punk looking singer, who actually sang much more popish hit songs, who had an alter ego by the name of Jerrica Benton (think that stupid Miley Cyrus show, except add some awesome to it).  In a critical moment in the show, Jerrica would grab her earring and say, “Showtime Synergy,” and boom right before your eyes she changed into a punk rocking freak show.  She used her fame and truly outrageous actions to defeat a rival band called the Misfits.  It’s like Autobots Vs the Decepticons with more makeup and less transforming.  She made me want to become a Marine.  Now every morning when I put my uniform on, I say, “Showtime Synergy,” and boom a Marine appears in the mirror.  Now that you have read all of this, the only important takeaway is that, I wish I had an earring that I could have that would change me into an alter ego, and more importantly, that said alter ego was awesome, not a girl punk rock singer, but something equally awesome. 

Some other interesting things that I think about similar to the above are as follows:

1)      I wish that I had a meathead friend / rival, who had a perm or curly mullet that seemed to know karate and dated a feminist.  This meathead friend would call me “Preppy.”  (See Saved by the Bell)  Tell me you haven’t wished this for years.    

2)      I wish that I wrote the song Sister Christian, because it rocks!  This is an epic rock song that Night Ranger made famous, coincidentally; it is probably the only Night Ranger song worth hearing.  I know that of the 29, loyal followers forced to read this because it’s in your email out there, one of you will leave me because I insulted Night Ranger.  This will not hurt my feelings, but if this is you, you possibly need to work on some things in your life…

3)      I wish I didn’t care about Facebook.  I wish that I didn’t secretly derive some of my self-value from people liking my posts.  I put a lot of thought into a post once, and only two people liked it.  My first reaction was to delete everyone but those two people, but I was scared that the only one left hurting after that would be me.  Facebook has somehow become our way of deriving who are “real” friends are.  I keep seeing people write about how they cleansed or scrubbed their “friends list” narrowing it down to the ones who really matter.  I have also noticed that I didn’t quite make the cut.  I already have plans to confront these people and fist fight.

4)      I wish that it wasn’t frowned upon to like American Idol as much as I do.

5)      Related note, I wish that Jessica Sanchez would go into hiding and never sing again.  Further, I wish that I knew how to design web pages, because I would start a site dedicated to her downfall.  There is nothing more grotesque to me than an oddly young, skinny child, trying to be sexy—except Britney Spears, that was different..  Jessica Sanchez is like Jack the Pumpkin King from The Nightmare Before Christmas, pumpkin head and all.  This is probably the closest thing that I have said to anything serious, especially the Britney part….

6)      I wish that I could tan.  Being a ginger has been a difficult boat to row.  Tan people hate us, and treat us like red headed step children.  The beach, while fun to most, is an experiment in being miserable.  My wife is a tan, beautifully Mediterranean olive skin toned woman, who can go to the beach for 6 hours sometimes.  Because I enjoy death, I tag along, but I am the guy trying to get every part of his body into the small shade spot of my rainbow colored umbrella.  Not even a deep tan, Id settle for a tanner shade of red.

7)      I wish fruit cake had never been invented.

8)      I wish that the next time I karaoke, that I would get discovered already.  I have been banking on this happening for years, but here I am, blogging.

9)      I wish the real world were more like The Jetson’s cartoon. 

10)   I wish that when my dad yelled at us when we were children, he was a bit softer spoken and that, as he was making his point about our undisciplined nature, a calm, soothing music would play like in Full House and our family would just find peace.  If this had been the case, I would probably have learned much fewer curse words.     







  1. I love number 6! Laughed so hard! Ginger power!

  2. Shanhale says:

    As soon as I read “Jem and the Holograms” I gave this post 5 stars. I had Jem earrings when I was 8. If I still had them, I would probably still wear them.

    The first time I sang ‘The Warrior at Karaoke’, I had no idea that the phrase “stereo jungle child” was in there and I totally lost my composure and laughed into the mic. I fail at Karaoke on so many levels.

    Don’t tame your animal style, Heath!

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