Pretty Scary

Posted: May 1, 2012 in Pregnant Wife Stories

The Rapture was the single scariest thing I ever learned about when I was a child.  The ominous possibility that God would return, take his church to heaven and screw me out of happy occasions constantly lurked in the back of my mind.  Christmas Eve….I used to sit in my bed, rock back and forth, and repeatedly requisition God not come back and ruin this day (how completely douschy, especially when you consider the fact that this specific request dealt with the birth of his son) . 

 Additionally, I always felt that the rapture would be eerily similar to the music video for Thriller choreographed dance and all.  I bet God could choreograph a sweet group dance.  And Thriller, by the way, was incredibly horrifying to me–how could something as wholesome and innocent as Michael Jackson be so damned scary?  Of course, this was before Michael Jackson became really damned scary, lost everything, molested kids, and then died a hero?

Three Men and a Baby had a scene in it where in the background a child’s ghost stood behind a curtain.  In actuality the ghost was a cutout of Ted Dansen, in a top hat or something.  This moment in my life made my skin crawl.  My father re-played this scene in a feverish attempt to show me that this ghost, 1)existed, and 2) was probably going to come into my room that night and ghost rape me. 

I just want you to know this about me, because I have been holding it in for years…….

  1. Sarah says:

    I, too, also worried about the rapture. I worry about it to this day. And sadly, the bigger part of my worry was and still is that I have a lot of things I still want to do. It must be bad of me to always be thinking, “Um…God, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but now’s not the best time for me…. So….” The smaller part of my fears has to do with the religious implications. I suppose I am also a douche.

    I never trusted Michael. And his dad reminded me of a potato. Eyes everywhere.

    The ghost thing… I found the top hat most eerie. Why do fathers do such things?

    I love this blog. That is all.

  2. stalmadge06 says:

    “Ghost rape” ! Ha! Try getting that ghost to show up to his court date for his violation. Those jerks are sneaky 😉

  3. I tried to not laugh, but I chuckled Haha! Sorry…

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